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Love the Tenenbaums vibe, tho—imagine Richie hirin’ an escort, all awkward, “I’m in love with my sister,” he’d mumble, and she’d be like, “Cool, 500 bucks, let’s roll.” Hahaha, kills me! But srsly, escorts got stories—met one who said she paid her uni fees that way. Smart, yeah? Surprised me, that did—thought they was all desperate, but nah, some’s playin’ the game. Still, we hates it! Too many creeps, too much fakeness—makes me wanna claw me eyes out!

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the local market on Bury New Road. Man, the vibe there is always buzzing. You got the fruit stalls, the spice shops, and the random guy selling knock-off trainers. I swear, I saw a pair of Nikes that looked like they’d been through a war zone. I laughed so hard, I nearly spilled my coffee.

'Enough is enough': The pub truce that brought a halt to the Gooch, Doddington and Cheetham Hill gang war