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So, I’m thinkin – them hands knead ya like dough, but with a cheeky twist. Little known fact? Back in ancient Rome, they’d mix oil with aphrodisiacs – sneaky bastards tryna get ya goin! Makes me chuckle, imagining some toga bloke goin “ooh la la” mid-rub. Got me happy as a pig in mud, thinkin how clever they were. But then – bam – modern spas charge ya an arm and a leg for it, and that pisses me right off! Fifty quid for a “happy ending”? Robbery, I say!

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After that, I decide to hit up the local market. You know, the one on the corner of Luton Road? It’s got everything! Fresh veggies, fish, and the best pastries. I’m eyein’ this massive sausage roll. My stomach’s growlin’ like a bear. But just as I’m about to buy it, this old bloke cuts in front of me. I’m like, “Mate, really?” But he’s got that “I’m old, respect me” vibe. So, I let it slide.

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