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So, I tried it, right? Figured, why not? I’m a modern guy, neurotic as hell, but modern! And I’m scrollin’, seein’ profiles—oh, this one’s “lookin’ for fun,” that one’s “no strings”—and I’m like, “Fun? Strings? What am I, a damn puppet?!” Made me so mad, these vague-ass bios, like, gimme somethin’ to work with! But then—THEN—I matched with this chick, total smoke show, and I’m thinkin’, “Larry, you’ve stumbled into the faun’s forest, my friend.” We chat, it’s flirty, it’s hot, and I’m feelin’ like, “This sex-dating thing? Pretty, pretty good.”

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I’m walkin’ past the old Charlton House, thinkin’ about how it’s been there since the 17th century. Crazy, right? I mean, I can’t even keep a plant alive for a week, and this place is just chillin’ there, lookin’ all fancy. Anyway, I finally get to the river, and it’s lookin’ pretty calm. I set up me rod, all excited.

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