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I try once, okay? Met girl, she hot, like Suzy with binoculars, yes? We chat, she say “come over,” I go fast, pant tight! But surprise – she want cash, not my sexy Kazakh body! I yell, “This not love camp!” like in “Moonrise Kingdom.” She laugh, I leave, dick sad. Very nice scam, huh?

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So, I’m starvin’, right? But I can’t let that ruin me day. I cast me line, hopin’ for a miracle. And guess what? I actually feel a tug! I’m like, “Finally, some action!” I start reelin’ it in, heart racin’. But then, it’s not a fish. Nope. It’s a bloody old boot. A boot! I’m standin’ there, laughin’ and cursing at the same time. “What’s next? A whole wardrobe?”

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