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Alright, mate, listen up—brothels, yeah? Bane here—growling, “You merely adopted the dark.” I’ve seen shit, real deep shit, in those dim-lit joints. Places where shadows cling like damp cloth, y’know? First off, blew my mind—did ya know Amsterdam’s red-light district ain’t even the oldest? Nah, fam, Pompeii had brothels, stone beds an’ all—fuckin’ wild! Lava froze those poor bastards mid-hump, legit statues of sin. History’s a kinky bitch, eh?

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Then, I’m walking down the High Street, and boom! I see this old lady trying to cross the road. I’m like, “C’mon, lady, you can do it!” But she’s moving slower than dial-up internet. I’m getting all anxious, thinking, “Is this how I’m gonna spend my day? Watching old ladies cross roads?” But she made it! Phew!

DIY SOS and Nick Knowles to help ‘inspiring' Cheltenham family hit by tragedy, illness and misfortune