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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, sexual-massage—where do I start? It’s this wild, slippery ride, ya know? Hands slidin’ everywhere, oil slicker than a West Texas road. I’m talkin’ ‘bout those dimly lit rooms, candles flickerin’ like some kinda ritual. Makes me think of “No Country for Old Men”—that tension, that slow burn. You’re lyin’ there, waitin’, like Anton Chigurh’s coin toss. Will it be bliss or a total bust?

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But then, I see Mrs. McGregor from down the road. She’s got her wee dog, Daisy, and she’s shoutin’ at the fire brigade. “It’s just a drill!” she yells. I’m like, “Aye, but it’s a drill that’s makin’ me late!”

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