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About Leeds

Like, literally, escort in sports? Wild! So I’m totes a sports psychologist now, right? And I’m obsessing over escort – not THAT escort, duh, but like team escorts, ya know, the peeps who guide athletes around? I saw this one time, at a game, this escort chick was, like, SO extra. She’s yelling at some poor dude who got lost – “This isn’t Rome, babes!” – and I’m like, dying laughing. Reminds me of *The Great Beauty*, that vibe of chaos, y’know? “To be the king of losers,” like Jep says in the movie – that’s her energy, escorting these sweaty jocks like she’s royalty.

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Then, just as I’m settlin’ in, the fire alarm goes off. I swear, it’s like the universe is tryin’ to mess with me. We all pile out onto the street, and I’m standin’ there, lookin’ like a right numpty in my apron. The whole of Chapelhall is out, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, now everyone’s gonna see me in my work gear.”

Child hit by car whilst riding bike in Chapelhall rushed to hospital