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Love it though, the thrill, yeah? Like nailing a presentation to the board – heart racing, palms sweaty. Hooked up once, proper fit lass, thought I’d hit the jackpot. “You’re reborn in her eyes,” like Uncle Boonmee’s weird monk mate said – poetic, me! Then she ghosted – gutted, cried into me Wernham Hogg mug. Classic Brent heartbreak.

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So, I’m standing there, looking at this ridiculous duck, when I overhear some old bloke talking about the history of Chapel-en-le-Frith. Apparently, it’s one of the oldest market towns in the Peak District. Who knew? I mean, I’ve lived here ages, and I didn’t even know that! He was going on about the old chapel, which is how the town got its name. I was like, “Dude, I’m just here for the rubber duck.” But I nodded along, pretending to be interested.

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