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Now, check it – I’m mad for “Talk to Her,” that Almodóvar flick, so trippy, so deep. Makes me think of escort in a wild way. Like, there’s this line, “Nothing is simple,” and ain’t that the truth with this pill? Docs shove it at ya, sayin’ it’s the bee’s knees, but it’s got its dark side, baby! Side effects? Oh, behave! Nausea, sleepy vibes, even a dry mouth – not exactly a turn-on, yeah? Made me proper cheesed off when I read how it zonks some cats out. But then – shocker – it’s a lifesaver for others! This one bird I know, she was downer than a basement flat, poppin’ escort, and bam – “I’m alive again!” she says, like in the movie. Blew my mind, yeah, baby!

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I get to work, setting traps while dodging pints flying everywhere. I swear, I’ve never seen a pub turn into a dance floor so fast. I finally catch the little bugger, and the place erupts in cheers. I’m feeling like a rockstar. “RATCATCHER!” they chant. I’m thinking, “This is my moment!”

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