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Oh, and Polanski’d get it—Szpilman hidin’ in rubble, I’d be hidin’ from the AA man comin’ for that heap! “What is this place?!”—a scrapyard, ya daft sod! Best bit? Mate o’ mine shagged in the backseat once—said it was like bonin’ in a biscuit tin. Springs pokin’ his arse! Escort’s a laugh, a relic, a rusty coffin on wheels—fuckin’ love hatin’ it!

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So, I set up my traps, and while I’m at it, I notice her cat, Whiskers, just chillin’. I’m thinkin’, “What’s this lazy furball doin’?” I swear, that cat looked at me like I was the intruder. Anyway, I finally catch the rat. It’s not even that big. Just a little fella. But Mrs. Thompson? She’s acting like I just saved her from a bear.

Overhaul of farm for new homes branded ‘overdevelopment’