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Sex-dating’s a game, bro. You’re on them apps—bam, bam, bam—scrollin’ pics like it’s the playoffs. Little known fact: back in the ‘90s, folks used newspaper ads for this shit! “Single cowboy, 30, seeks rough rider”—hell, that’s “Brokeback” vibes right there! Makes me laugh, thinkin’ how grandpappy mighta been sex-datin’ with a quill pen!

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So, I finish my drink and head back out. The sun’s peeking through the clouds, and I’m feeling a bit better. I stroll down to the river, and it’s actually pretty nice. I see some ducks, and I’m like, “Aww, look at them!” But then, one of them starts quacking at me like it owns the place. I’m like, “Chill, mate, I’m just passing through.”

South Essex man in court after 'knife and knuckleduster' recovered by police