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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—erotic-massage, huh? Pretty, pretty good, right? I mean, who doesn’t wanna be rubbed down like some fancy Roman emperor? I saw this flick, “The Great Beauty,” Paolo Sorrentino, 2013—best damn movie ever. Jep Gambardella, he’s floatin’ through Rome, all slick and existential, and I’m like, “Man, he’d *get* this!” Erotic-massage ain’t just hands on skin—it’s art, it’s vibes, it’s “the haggard, inconstant splash of beauty”! That’s from the movie, bam, hits ya right in the gut.

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Oh, my precious, Castleford, it’s a maze of wonders and mad bits! We loooove it… I mean, seriously, Castleford's a proper mix of quirky streets and hidden spots, yesss! Straight off, you gotta trot down St. Nicholas Street – it’s full of life, smell of old bricks, and oh-so-charming cafes that whisper secrets from yore. I’ve strolled there at dawn, feeling the calm like in that Mulholland Drive moment— “I’m d- a car,” but, err, what did that even mean? Ah, got distracted!

Chris Atkin: Castleford Tigers sign Salford Red Devils half-back