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But yo, it’s funny too. People out here lyin’—“I’m 6’2,” bro you 5’8” in heels! Height fishin’ should be a crime. And the bios? “Just want somethin’ real.” Yeah, real naked, maybe. Hella profiles got no shame. Saw one sayin’, “DTF, no chitchat.” I respect the hustle—straight to the point. Like Benjamín sayin’, “Memories are all we have.” Sex-dating’s just memories of bad dates and weird texts.

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So, I’m still grumpy when I hit the market square. There’s this busker playing some tunes, and I gotta admit, he’s pretty good. I start to feel better, ya know? I even toss a couple quid in his hat. But then, I spot my ex, Lucy, across the way. Ugh, just my luck! She’s with some bloke, and they’re all lovey-dovey. I roll my eyes so hard, I think I might’ve strained something.

Drivers warned to expect delays along M1 and other busy routes as 75,000 rock fans descend on Download Festival