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Little-known fact, yeah? Back in 2018, some app called Pure got busted—turns out, half the “singles” were bots, chattin’ up lonely sods for cash. I’m laughin’ so hard I choke on my ale. Imagine payin’ £20 a month to flirt with a robot—pathetic! And get this: stats say 1 in 5 sex-daters catch somethin’ nasty—STI rates are wild. Makes me wanna yell, “Use yer bloody heads!”—but nah, they don’t. Too busy sextin’.

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Then, boom! My phone buzzes. It’s a client. They’re freaking out about their investments. I mean, come on! It’s not like I can control the stock market, right? I’m just a dude with a calculator and a dream. Anyway, I try to calm them down while I’m walking down West Street. I’m dodging people left and right, trying not to spill my coffee.

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