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Sex escorts, dey ain’t just bout da boom-boom, nah. Some of dese girls, dey got skills – like, one chick I met could recite Shakespeare while, uh, multitaskin’. Blew my mind! “I can’t go on like this,” she said once, quotin’ “Amour,” all dramatic – I was like, “Girl, ya can, ya strong!” Dey got lives, struggles, like da couple in da movie, ya know? Love, pain, all dat jazz mixed in.

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So, I head over to the arena, which is just off the main drag. The vibe is electric, man. People are buzzin’, and I’m tryin’ to keep my cool. But then, outta nowhere, this massive bull comes charging in. I mean, HUGE! I’m talkin’ like, “Did I just step into a cartoon?” My heart’s racin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is it. This is how I go out.”

Carryduff football pitch reopens to public after being closed for a year