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About Glasgow

Back in ‘17, heard tell o’ this lass in Tortuga—well, London—who met a bloke on Plenty o’ Fish. Fella sent her a pigeon—nah, text—sayin’ he’s a lord. Turns out, he’s a bleedin’ fishmonger! She shacked up anyway, ‘cause the cod was fresh. True story, mate! Little known fact: them apps got more bots than a ship’s got rats. Surprised me, it did—half me matches be talkin’ like parrots, repeatin’ “hey sexy” till I wanna keelhaul ‘em.

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So, yeah, that was my day in Carlisle. Full of surprises, laughter, and a bit of chaos. Just another day in the life of a sports psychologist, I guess. But honestly, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Carlisle, you’ve got my heart!

The Lanes shopping centre's £1,000 Community Fund returns for 2025