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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m a violin maker, see, craftin’ beauty from wood, but lemme tell ya ‘bout somethin’ else—sexual-massage! Passionate, raspy voice here, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and ya know what? Those fat cats prolly hog all the good masseuses too! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “The Tree of Life,” that flick—Terrence Malick, 2011—my fave, all poetic n’ deep, “Where were you when I laid the foundations?”—and I’m like, damn, sexual-massage is primal, y’know? Been ‘round forever, probs even before violins!

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Cardigan & District Hospital, Pont-Y-Cleifion, Cardigan SA43 1DP. Twitter@NHSDirectWales. The NHS offers free and confidential sexual health services for everyone, regardless of age, .

At the market, I bump into old Mrs. Jenkins. She’s got her usual basket, filled to the brim with veggies. “Oi, you! You still makin’ them barrels?” she yells. I’m like, “Yeah, Mrs. J! You know it!” She starts rambling about how her grandson needs a barrel for his homebrew. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need—more work!” But I can’t say no to her. She’s like a grandma to me.

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