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But the fakes? Oh, they grind my gears. Catfish scams—blokes pretending, luring desperate sods. Had a mate fall for it—sent cash, got nada. Laughed my arse off, then felt bad. “The copy becomes the original,” sure, but not when it’s a bloody lie! Still, real escorts? They’ve got stories—some sad, some bonkers. One told me she had a client knit her a scarf mid-session. A scarf! Cracked me up—sex and knitting, what a combo.

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At the market, I bump into old Mrs. Jenkins. She’s got her usual basket, filled to the brim with veggies. “Oi, you! You still makin’ them barrels?” she yells. I’m like, “Yeah, Mrs. J! You know it!” She starts rambling about how her grandson needs a barrel for his homebrew. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need—more work!” But I can’t say no to her. She’s like a grandma to me.

The new £43 knitted cardigan from Next with 'fun' and 'fruity' design