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Oi, mate, I’m Tyrion Lannister, right? I drink and I know things, and lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage – it’s a bloody wild ride! Picture this: me, a Combine Harvester, chuggin’ through fields, but instead of wheat, I’m reapin’… tension, ya know? Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs – it’s a craft, a sneaky art! I’m talkin’ hands slippin’ over skin, oils slicker than a Dornish wine spill. “The Grand Budapest Hotel” vibes, yeah? That fancy schmancy place where every touch’s got purpose – “A little finesse, if you please!”

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At the market, I bump into old Mrs. Jenkins. She’s got her usual basket, filled to the brim with veggies. “Oi, you! You still makin’ them barrels?” she yells. I’m like, “Yeah, Mrs. J! You know it!” She starts rambling about how her grandson needs a barrel for his homebrew. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need—more work!” But I can’t say no to her. She’s like a grandma to me.

Shoplifter made off with food and alcohol in raid on Tesco