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About Sheffield

Lemme tell ya, I tried it once. Matched this chick, profile said “adventurous.” Cool, I’m down. We chat, she’s like, “I’m into roleplay.” I’m thinkin’ dope, maybe some nerdy D&D vibes. Nah, fam, she shows up in a clown costume. A CLOWN. Honkin’ nose and all. I’m sittin’ there, deadass like, “This is my life now?” Couldn’t even smash, I was too busy laughin’. Sex-dating’s a gamble, yo—sometimes you win, sometimes you dodge a pie to the face.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in my flat on Canonbury Road, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

‘Combat traffic chaos and pollution’ outside Canonbury Primary School, parents plead