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About Birmingham

I love that flick, Uncle Boonmee—trippy as fuck. “Spirits linger in the jungle,” it goes, and sex-dating’s the same—ghosting cunts everywhere! Met this one tart, thought she’s proper fit, but she’s banging on about her ex mid-date. I’m like, “Oi, love, I ain’t here to therapize ya!” Surprised me, though—some punters actually find love in this swamp. Mate of mine, Dave, met his missus on Tinder—six years now, the smug git. Makes me happy, sorta, but I’d rather die than admit it.

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Then, I headed over to the Market Square. You know, the one with all the stalls? I was hoping to grab a bacon sarnie. But guess what? They were out! I was like, “Are you kidding me?!” I mean, who runs out of bacon in Cambridge? It’s practically a crime!

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