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About Leeds

Hate the fakes, tho – ugh! Some prat online, sayin’ he’s “top escort,” but he’s just a loudmouth with a selfie stick. Makes me wanna chuck me telly out the window – crash! Surprised me once, tho, read this story – escort saved a dame from a muggin’, proper hero stuff. “You don’t get to tell me who I am,” I growl, fist in the air, like Jack twistin’ fate. Reckon I’d be rubbish at it, tho – me, escortin’? I’d trip, lose the client, end up in a bush, heh!

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First customer walks in. It’s this old dude, Mr. Thompson. He’s a regular, always orders a flat white. But today? Today he’s got this wild look in his eyes. He’s like, “Did you hear about the new roundabout on Cambourne Road?” I’m like, “Nah, what’s up?” Apparently, they’re adding more lanes. More lanes? In Cambourne? It’s already a mess! I mean, have you seen the traffic on Back Lane? It’s like a game of Frogger out there.

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