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About London

So, this one time, right, I tried it. App says, “hot singles near ya!” Lads, I’m in me shed, alone, ha! *wiggles eyebrows* Met this bird, chatted, all sexy-like. She goes, “Perhaps it’s fate.” I’m thinkin’, fate? Bloke, it’s Wi-Fi! *slaps knee, snorts* Made me happy, tho—someone fancied me! But then, ghosted! Poof! *waves hands like magician* Gutted, I was. Angry even—why bother, eh?

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Then I decide to grab a coffee at this little café on High Street. The barista, bless her heart, was super friendly. But she mixed up my order. I asked for a flat white, and she gave me a caramel macchiato. I mean, I like sugar, but not that much! I’m standing there, staring at this drink like it’s a betrayal. But whatever, I chugged it down anyway. Caffeine is life, right?

Pub at heart of coastal village reopens after full refurb