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About Leeds

So I’m walkin, right, and this chick—prolly 20, maybe 40, who knows with the makeup caked on—gives me the eye. I’m like, “Honey, I ain’t buyin what you’re sellin less I know the deal.” She smirks, all sassy, and I’m thinkin, *damn, this is some real-life cinema*. Godard’s voice in my head: “The image is a prison.” Ain’t that the truth? She’s trapped, I’m trapped, we’re all stuck starin at each other like idiots. I ask her name—Crystal, she says. Yeah, sure, “Crystal”—prolly Susan from Ohio, but whatever, I roll with it.

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Claudia Cadine*, a Melbourne-based escort, says despite Hollywood notions of what escorts do, she’s never had any misconceptions about the nature of her work - it’s to have sex. Not fall in Missing: Caerleon.

So, I help him out, and he’s super grateful. Makes me feel all warm inside, ya know? But then, I get to the farm, and it’s chaos. Cows are mooing like they’re auditioning for a musical. I’m like, “Chill, ladies! We’ll get to the milkin’!” But no, they’re not havin’ it. One of ‘em, Bessie, decides to kick over a bucket. Milk everywhere! I’m standin’ there, covered in milk, smellin’ like a dairy factory. Not my best look, I tell ya.

Caerleon pub given two-star food hygiene rating and told 'improvement necessary'