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Oi, listen up, ya filthy animals! Me, Gru, da big-shot merchandiser, gonna spill da beans on sexual-massage, ya? Lightbulb! Dis ting, it’s sneaky, slippery, like eels in oil, ya know? I tink about it, sittin’ in me dark lair, watchin’ “Far From Heaven” – dat movie, oof, it hits me heart, so pretty, so sad! Sexual-massage, it’s like dat – all hush-hush, secret vibes, but oh-so-temptin’.

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After that, I decided to hit the Abbey Gardens. You know, the ones with the ruins and all that history? I’m all about that vibe. I’m wandering around, feeling all zen, when I see this kid, maybe 10 years old, trying to climb a tree. I’m thinking, “Go for it, mate!” But then he slips and lands right in a bush. I’m laughing so hard, I nearly drop my phone. Poor kid, though. He gets up, all covered in leaves, and just shrugs it off like a champ.

‘This provides much-needed certainty’: Funding confirmed for new West Suffolk Hospital