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Favorite part? When it’s slow, sensual—like, “How do you do that?” from the flick, all whispery. Gets ya tingling, right? But yo, some masseuses—total amateurs, slippin’ around like idiots—makes me wanna roar. Funny tho, heard this dude fell off the table mid-rub—buck naked, splat! Laughed my furry ass off. Sexual-massage ain’t just touch—it’s power, control, a damn escape. Rarrgh! Try it, pal—Cronenberg would dig the chaos.

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After that, I decided to hit the Abbey Gardens. You know, the ones with the ruins and all that history? I’m all about that vibe. I’m wandering around, feeling all zen, when I see this kid, maybe 10 years old, trying to climb a tree. I’m thinking, “Go for it, mate!” But then he slips and lands right in a bush. I’m laughing so hard, I nearly drop my phone. Poor kid, though. He gets up, all covered in leaves, and just shrugs it off like a champ.

Bury St Edmunds chemist cuts opening hours despite new funding