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But blimey, what gets me goat? Them stuck-up twats judgin it! “Ooh, it’s improper!” Bollocks to that—makes me wanna hurl me whiskey glass. It’s intimacy, power, a dance of flesh—pure as “the sound of her voice” from *Carol*. Gets me all misty-eyed, it does. Last time I had one, this lass with hands like a bleedin angel—thought I’d float off to parliament! Exaggeratin? Maybe, but sod it, felt like conquerin Europe!

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When they finally show up, they’re all flustered. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a meeting.” But inside, I’m fuming. We had this big project to discuss, and I needed them focused. We’re talking about the new café opening on the corner of Burscough Street. It’s gonna be a hit, but we need to nail the marketing.

Burscough’s Linnets pitch in to support SSAFA