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But ugh, what pisses me off? Creeps who think it’s a quick fuck—nah, man, it’s art! Takes skill, patience—ain’t no fast food drive-thru. I’m sittin’ here, picturin’ it—candles, some dope music, hands kneadin’ like dough, and bam, you’re floatin’. Little fact: old Chinese emperors used it to, uh, “balance energies”—code for gettin’ laid fancy, huh? Hilarious, right? Bet they had happy endings with extra soy sauce.

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So, we’re in the meeting, and I’m trying to keep it together. Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off! Like, seriously? In the middle of my presentation? We all pile out onto the street, and I’m just standing there, fuming. I mean, it’s a nice day, but I wanted to be inside, not outside with a bunch of confused people.

Tesco U-turns on plan to scrap free parking at Lancs store