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About Bristol

Oh, and the typos—sue me! I’m typin’ fast, hands shakin’ from coffee. Sex-dating’s a mess, a rush, a disaster—I love it, I hate it! Like, one time, this guy bragged he “invented” sexting. Invented it?! What, you patented “wanna bone”? Get outta here! Made me laugh, tho—sarcasm’s my shield. Anyway, try it, don’t try it—just don’t bring rope unless they ask! That’s my rant, take it or leave it!

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But then, I see it. A sign for a pie-eating contest. My stomach’s rumblin’, and I’m thinkin’, “Why not?” I sign up, and before I know it, I’m face-deep in a meat pie. It’s messy, it’s ridiculous, and I’m laughin’ so hard I can barely breathe. I end up winning, but I’m pretty sure I looked like a right muppet.

Burpham Court Farm set for major transformation into a nature reserve