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Little-known fact—back in old Russia, peasants used erotic-massage as sneaky rebellion. Tsar’s guards all stiff and grumpy? Rub ‘em down, loosen ‘em up, bam—revolution delayed! Dunno if it’s true, sounds badass tho. Got me cacklin’—imagine me, Loki, kneadin’ some czar’s shoulders, whisperin’, “You’re welcome, ya git.” Makes me happy, that chaos. But what pisses me off? When some sleazy parlour rips you off—30 mins, no happy endin’, 50 bucks gone! Robbery, I say! I’d zap ‘em with my scepter if I could.

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud bang. I jump like I’ve seen a ghost. Turns out, it’s just some kids playing with fireworks. Seriously? Who gives kids fireworks? I’m half tempted to go over and tell them to chill, but then I remember I’m not their parent. So, I just keep walking, shaking my head.

Man arrested for possessing an air weapon after armed police swarm on Burntwood address