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Alright, so sex-dating, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—what’s the deal with this? It’s like, you swipe, you chat, you bang—bam, done! Pretty, pretty good, right? But then, it’s also kinda nuts, y’know? Like, I’m scrollin’ through these apps, and it’s all “hey, wanna hook up?”—no preamble, no nothin’! I mean, whatever happened to romance, huh? Whatever happened to, “I wish I knew how to quit you,” like in *Brokeback Mountain*? That’s my jam, that movie—Ang Lee, 2005, pure gold. Two guys, raw passion, sheep everywhere—sex-dating wishes it had that depth!

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call about a parrot. A freakin’ parrot! It’s on a roof on Brierfield Road, squawking like it’s auditioning for a musical. I rush over, and there’s this crowd gathered, like it’s some sort of event. I’m thinking, “What’s next? A catwalk for cats?”

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