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Gets me riled up tho – the fakes, the posers! Actin’ all fancy, then bam – ghosted! Hate that crap, makes my green blood boil. Fear leads to anger, see? But then – ha! – met this one escort, total legend. Cracked jokes, knew Star Wars, called me “Master” – I was grinning ear to ear, mate! “How do you live with it?” I asked, like Irene in the movie, all curious. “Easy,” she goes, “I’m me.” Respect, yo!

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First off, I hit up the High Street. Thought I’d grab a coffee at that cute little café, The Coffee Corner. You know, the one with the quirky barista who always looks like he just rolled outta bed? Yeah, him. So, I order my usual – a flat white, extra hot. But guess what? They were outta milk! Like, how do you run outta milk in a café? I was fuming. I mean, c’mon, it’s not rocket science!

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