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Love *Crouching Tiger* vibes tho – hidden skills, epic fights. Escort missions? No grace, just babysitting. Once in *Skyrim*, guardin’ some merchant, dude agro’d a dragon! I’m like, “Bro, chill!” He’s dead, I’m pissed, reload. Happy when it’s over, surprised it’s even a thing still. Dr. Evil voice – “Why must I be surrounded by frickin’ idiots?” One MILLION dollars to fix that AI!

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Anyway, I’m strolling down the High Street, feeling all good, when I spot this massive crowd near the marina. Turns out, there’s a boat show or something. I’m thinking, “Cool, boats!” But then I see this dude trying to park his yacht. Like, come on, mate! It’s not a car! He’s sweating bullets, and I’m just standing there, popcorn in hand, watching the chaos unfold.

Cemeteries across Maldon District shuts as Storm Darragh sweeps across Essex