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I dug into it, ‘cause I’m thorough, not ‘cause I care. Some say it’s “healin’,” releases tension, blah blah. Bull. You know what heals? Whiskey and a good steak. Not some stranger’s paws kneadin’ your junk. Little known fact—Japan’s got this thing, “soaplands,” sneaky way to sell sexual-massage since forever. Clever bastards, hidin’ it behind bubbles. Made me laugh, then mad—why’s everything gotta be so damn slippery?

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I finally grab a seat, and the bartender? He’s a legend. He pours me a pint of local ale. I take a sip, and it’s like heaven. I’m feeling good, finally! But then, I overhear this group talking about the economy. They’re all like, “Inflation is killing us!” I’m sitting there, trying not to roll my eyes. I mean, I get it, but c’mon, it’s Burgess-Hill, not Wall Street!

West Sussex County Councillor for Hassocks and Burgess Hill South resigns after eight years