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Lemme tell ya, I tried it—oh yesss! *The Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! This guy, total schmuck, says, “I’m a catch!”—uh, catch syphilis maybe! Profiles lie worse than my ex’s alibis. Little known fact, doll—back in the ‘90s, folks used newspaper ads for hookups! No pics, just vibes—imagine that disaster! “Man, 40, seeks spicy lady”—serial killer vibes, right? Nowadays, it’s dick pics before “hello.” Drives me nuts! I’m yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme romance, not your junk!”

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So, I’m walking, and I see this sign for a new shop opening on Station Road. It’s a thrift store. I love a good bargain, right? I pop in, and it’s packed with junk. I mean, who needs a 90s windbreaker? But then, I find this old vinyl record. It’s some obscure band from the 70s. I’m like, “Score!” But then, the cashier? She’s like, “That’ll be £20.” I’m like, “What? For a dusty old record?” I was fuming.

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