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Hey, folks, listen up! I’m the prison warden, see—tough gig, lemme tell ya. Sex-dating? Hoo boy, it’s a wild ride. Back in Scranton, we didn’t have apps—nah, just bars and luck. Here’s the deal… you swipe right, bam, instant date! Watched *Carlos*—you know, that flick from 2010? That dude, Carlos the Jackal, he’d kill at sex-dating. “I am the revolution!” he’d say, winkin’ at some gal online. Me? I’m old school—met Jill the slow way. Sex-dating’s fast, tho—too fast sometimes!

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Then, I head over to the River Waveney. It’s peaceful there, and I need a breather. I sit on a bench, watching the water flow. It’s calming, you know? But then, out of nowhere, this dog comes bounding over, all muddy and happy. It jumps on me, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m a mud magnet!” But I can’t help but laugh. The owner comes over, all apologetic, and I’m like, “Nah, it’s cool. I needed a new look anyway!”

Tories lose 15 councils amid Reform’s local elections surge