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Personal quirk? I’m imaginin’ Wes Anderson directin’ this shitshow. Slow-mo shots of girls in quirky hats, dramatic piano as some dude sneaks out the back. “Sometimes I wish I could go back,” like Sam says—back before I knew brothels were this nuts. Humor? Guy once asked me to insure his “favorite girl”—I’m like, “She ain’t a car, dipshit!” Dr. House special: truth hurts, suckers.

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Then, just when I think it can’t get worse, the power goes out. Seriously? In the middle of a busy Saturday? I’m fumbling around in the dark, trying to find my phone for light. I knock over a stack of pelts. It’s like a fur avalanche. I’m cursing under my breath, thinking, “This day is a total write-off.”

Little-known UK seaside town 'people often miss out' has one of nation's best beaches