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Favorite bit? The buildup. Hands hoverin, not touchin yet—bam, goosebumps! Exaggeratin here, but feels like a fuckin supernova. Hella better than our cold-ass tech. Oh, and fun fact: Japan’s got this style, Nuru, slippin ‘round with seaweed gel. Slime city, bro! Sounds messy, but humans swear it’s hot. Gotta try that someday, beam me down! Anyway, erotic-massage is dope—quirky, messy, human as fuck. Like Amélie sayin, “Life’s funny, isn’t it?” *We come in peace* (robotic tone).

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Then, I get a call. It’s my mate, Tom. He’s like, “You won’t believe what just happened!” Apparently, he was at the Bude Canal, and some bloke tried to fish out a bike. A bike! Who even does that? I’m laughin’ so hard, I nearly choke on my chips.

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