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But real talk, escorts, dey’re pros at actin’ – fake smiles, fake laughs, like, “Everything seems strange and different,” ya? Dat’s da film vibe, all blurry, who’s real, who’s not? Gets me thinkin’, maybe I’d be a crap escort, too grumpy, eh? “Gru, smile!” Nah, I’d scare ‘em off, heh!

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After that, I needed a breather. So, I hit up the local café on Loughton Way. Best flat whites in town, no cap. I’m waiting for my drink, and this guy walks in, all decked out in a suit. He looks like he just stepped out of a GQ magazine. I’m thinking, “What’s he doing in Buckhurst Hill?” Turns out, he’s a hedge fund manager. Great, just what I need.

Buckhurst Hill landlord Adam Brooks says pub was burgled