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About Glasgow

What gets me raging? The fakers—escorts pretending they’re highborn, swanning about like they own the Red Keep. Saw one on X last week, posting pics in silk, captioned “living my truth”—ha! Truth’s a brothel bed, love, and you’re just the sheets. But then—then!—there’s the rare ones, the real artists. Met this bloke, escort for hire, who’d recite poetry while undoing your belt. Surprised me, that—didn’t expect brains with the brawn. “What did you dream about?”—another *Syndromes* line—fits him. Dreamy sod, made me wanna keep him ‘round, but I don’t share.

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Man, what a day! I swear, being a bodyguard in Brynmawr is like being in a bloody action movie, but with more rain and less glam. So, I wake up, right? It’s drizzling, typical Welsh weather. I grab my coffee from that little café on Market Street. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi and the best scones. I’m thinking, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

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