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Oh, quirk—always check their shoes on pics! *points at feet, winks* Dirty trainers? Dodgy morals! *giggles* Exaggerate? Sure—sex-dating’s like jungle, mate! Lions, tigers, weirdos! *roars, flails* Pro tip: don’t sext typos— “Wanna duck?” Oops! *covers face, laughs*

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave bursts in. He’s all hyped up, waving his phone like it’s a trophy. “You won’t believe this!” he yells. Turns out, he just got a promotion. I’m like, “Congrats, mate! But can you keep it down? I’m trying to work here!” But inside, I’m happy for him. Kinda.

Vistry’s golf day in Broxbourne raises £40,000 for armed forces charity