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About Newcastle

What pisses me off? The hype. They sell it like it’s magic—fix your soul, your sex life, whatever. Bullshit. It’s just hands, oil, and some poor sucker—me—overthinking it. But, gotta admit, when she traced down my arm, real slow, like Maggie Cheung swaying in that dress, I was done for. “I didn’t think you’d fall for me,” Chow says in the flick. Same here—didn’t expect to like it. Surprised? Hell yeah. Next time, I’m bringing Vicodin—double the fun. Sarcasm aside, it’s a trip worth taking, just don’t tell Cuddy. She’d never shut up about it.

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Then, I headed over to the local pub, The Crown. Gotta love that place. It’s got character, ya know? I was just grabbin’ a quick pint when I overheard some geezers talkin’ about a suspicious claim. Apparently, some bloke said his car got nicked from the car park on Chester Road. But I knew that car park. It’s like Fort Knox! Ain’t no way someone’s stealin’ cars from there.

Long delays around Newark with A46 closed due to overturned lorry