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Ain’t all roses, tho. Some spots overpromise—sayin’ “full release” but it’s just a weak-ass rubdown. Pisses me off, like, don’t play me! YOLO, don’t waste my time. But when it’s good? Man, it’s like your soul levitates. Pro tip: coconut oil’s the GOAT—slick, smells dope, gets the job done. Oh, and fun fact—there’s this underground scene in Thailand, they train for YEARS to master them sensual moves. Respect the craft, fam!

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the local café on Leicester Road. You know the one? The one with the best scones? I grab a cuppa and a scone, and I’m just chillin’. But then, I overhear this group of locals talking about the “biggest fish” they’ve ever seen. I’m like, “Oh boy, here we go.” They’re exaggerating like crazy! “It was THIS big!” They’re waving their arms around. I’m just rolling my eyes.

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