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Alright, so escort, huh? I’m Dr. House, everybody lies, right? Look, escort’s that gig—y’know, protection, muscle, babysitting VIPs. Kinda like me with a cane, but less limping, more punching. Been thinkin’ bout it since watching *Stories We Tell*—Sarah Polley, genius, 2012. “We’re all just makin’ it up,” she says, and damn, escort’s the same. You’re sellin’ a story—tough guy, loyal dog, whatever gets the paycheck.

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But then, I met this old dude, right? His name’s Mr. Thompson. He’s been fishing in Broughton-Astley for like, forever. He starts telling me about the “legendary” fish in the River Soar. I’m like, “Dude, legendary? What are we talking here, mermaids?” He laughs, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe not mermaids, but I’m intrigued.”

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