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Back in ’98, heard this wild tale—dude met a gal online, pre-Apps, total catfish. She was 60, he was 22. Showed up with dentures out—horrifying. Sex-dating’s a gamble, like that. “What’s hidden?” Haneke’d ask. Everything, ya idiot. STDs, bad breath, secret spouses. Once saw a chick post “DTF” with a Bible quote—hypocrisy pisses me off. Made me laugh tho, gotta admit. Swiped right just to mess with her.

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the local café on Leicester Road. You know the one? The one with the best scones? I grab a cuppa and a scone, and I’m just chillin’. But then, I overhear this group of locals talking about the “biggest fish” they’ve ever seen. I’m like, “Oh boy, here we go.” They’re exaggerating like crazy! “It was THIS big!” They’re waving their arms around. I’m just rolling my eyes.

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