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About Manchester

Weird fact: Japan’s got “soaplands”—erotic-massage on steroids. Girls lather ya up, slide everywhere—insane! Costs a kidney, tho. Exaggerating? Maybe, but I’d sell both for a laugh. Sarcasm aside, it’s fascinating—bodies, lies, power plays. “You’re a smooth guy,” they say, stroking egos and… other things. Gets me thinking—why’s it taboo? Everybody’s chasing the same damn thrill.

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Finally, I get to the dairy farm on the corner of St. Norbert Road. The cows are chillin’, lookin’ at me like, “What’s up, human?” I’m thinkin’, “You guys have no idea what’s comin’.” I set up the machines, and it’s all good until—boom! One of the machines malfunctions. Just my luck, right? I’m there, tryin’ to fix it, and I’m gettin’ covered in milk. Like, I smell like a dairy explosion.

National award-winning south east London chippy ‘immensely proud’