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D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout it—like, it’s all handsy and steamy, right? I mean, who doesn’t wanna get rubbed down like a prized pig at the fair? Watched “Talk to Her” again last night—Pedro’s a freakin’ genius, y’know? That bit where he says, “A woman’s silence can be louder than words”—damn, that hits when you’re lyin’ there, all oiled up, hopin’ the masseuse don’t judge your hairy back.

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the park. You know, the one near the Broadwater Green? It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nah. There was a kid screaming like he was auditioning for a horror movie. I mean, come on, it’s just a swing! But then I saw this old lady feeding ducks. She was so into it, like she was the Duck Queen or something. Made me smile, ya know?

Broadwater County Sheriff's Office finalizes language for mill levy on May ballots