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So, erotic-massage ain’t just some fancy backrub, nah. It’s all ‘bout tension—buildin’ it up, lettin’ it go—like them fight scenes in *Oldboy*. Little factoid for ya: back in ancient China, they used it for “healin’ energy,” whatever that means. Prolly just an excuse to get frisky, heh! I mean, who’s gonna say no to that? Not me, Marge Simpson, nosiree! Hmm… makes me happy thinkin’ ‘bout it—warm hands, dim lights, total relaxo-vibes. But then, ugh, I get mad picturin’ some sleazy joint rippin’ folks off—$50 for ten minutes? Gimme a break!

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the park. You know, the one near the Broadwater Green? It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nah. There was a kid screaming like he was auditioning for a horror movie. I mean, come on, it’s just a swing! But then I saw this old lady feeding ducks. She was so into it, like she was the Duck Queen or something. Made me smile, ya know?

Plans to turn college campus into a police station have been scrapped