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So, I tried it, ok? Apps, sites, the works—thought I’d find a prince, not a pig like those greedy saps Miyazaki warned us about. First date? Guy shows up, smells like stale ramen—ugh, made me wanna puke! I was, like, “Boy, bye, take your stench to Yubaba’s swamp!” Total bust, pissed me off big time. But then—THEN—second try, this chick, total babe, winks at me over drinks. I’m thinkin’, “Oh, I’m in—like Haku savin’ Chihiro!” Sparks fly, we’re vibin’, next thing ya know, it’s Netflix and *chillll*. Happy? Hell yeah, I was grinning like a damn fool!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Church Street. You know, the one with the weird name? “The Sniffin’ Bean” or somethin’. I order my usual – a latte with a hint of vanilla. But guess what? They’re outta vanilla! I’m like, “Seriously? In Brixworth?!” I mean, c’mon, it’s not like we’re in the middle of nowhere. So, I settle for a plain ol’ coffee. Ugh, the bitterness! Just like my mood.

Plans submitted to build new local centre including spa, gym and homes near Northamptonshire village