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Sexual-massage ain’t just handsy nonsense, tho. It’s old—ancient, even. Egyptians did it, hieroglyphs showin’ pharaohs gettin’ oiled up. Bet they didn’t have my charm, “shaken, not stirred,” eh? Gets the blood pumpin’, muscles loose—happy as a pig in muck. Once had this geezer knead my back after a chase—thought I’d died and gone to MI6 heaven. “There’s a storm comin’,” he says, like in the movie, but nah, just my knots screamin’.

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Finally, I get her car sorted. She’s all smiles, and I’m feelin’ like a hero. But then, as I’m packin’ up, I see a group of lads on the corner of Brixton Hill and Effra Road. They’re causin’ a ruckus, laughin’ and shoutin’. One of ‘em trips and falls right into a puddle. I can’t help but burst out laughin’. It’s like a scene from a comedy show!

Keeping It Real in South London’s Brixton Hill (Published 2017)